Finis!
With the last bait thrown into the water the saga comes to an end. All that is left, is to sit back and wait for the mailman to bring home the news.
It took me most of last night to wrap my last essay and application, and it was close to 4:00 am before I could crawl into bed. Before going to sleep I managed to catch up on the blogs I follow, one of which took the words out of my mouth! I realized that I had not an ounce of creativity left to package my story in the best way possible. It was a little more than a writer's block though, the words were coming out, just not with the same passion or emotion I felt while writing my other applications. Is it ennui? Is it lethargy? Or have I run out of stories?
When I was done with Wharton specially and Kellogg to an extent, I was so happy. Win or lose, I was confident I had done my best, I had poured my heart out in those essays and the effort allowed me to kick back and bask in the joy of completing the application. Last night, when I logged off my computer, instead of being happy, I was angry at myself, I couldn't sleep for the longest time. I felt I had just flushed away $200 down the drain, wasted my time and energy in putting crap like that out there to be judged on.
Every time I would try to edit a sentence to showcase my experience in better light, it would feel like a cliche. Talking about my successes and failure has become a mechanical process and the passion has melted away faster than butter on a hot pan. It is as if I am emotionally bankrupt. I don't know how admission committee members can run through 5,000 plus applications consisting of over 25,000 essays and weed the good from the chaff? No wonder people fall through the cracks and it takes a seriously powerful essay to shake them out of the stupor they fall into. Re-reading my essays for the nth time made my eyes glaze over. I no longer read the words, they are etched into my mind. Wake me in the middle of the night and I will spout the words given the theme.
Now I am truly saddened by the state of affairs of my Wharton and Kellogg applications. I had so much invested in them, so much riding on them, that suddenly the rejections have thrown me into a tail spin. I probably just need some time away from the game, to re-charge my batteries and get passionate about my stories again. There is NO way I could write another application and do it justice, so in that I am glad I am done. Just sad that I could not walk away content and satisfied from a long but for most parts fun experience.
Come on Wharton do your thing, make me happy!
It took me most of last night to wrap my last essay and application, and it was close to 4:00 am before I could crawl into bed. Before going to sleep I managed to catch up on the blogs I follow, one of which took the words out of my mouth! I realized that I had not an ounce of creativity left to package my story in the best way possible. It was a little more than a writer's block though, the words were coming out, just not with the same passion or emotion I felt while writing my other applications. Is it ennui? Is it lethargy? Or have I run out of stories?
When I was done with Wharton specially and Kellogg to an extent, I was so happy. Win or lose, I was confident I had done my best, I had poured my heart out in those essays and the effort allowed me to kick back and bask in the joy of completing the application. Last night, when I logged off my computer, instead of being happy, I was angry at myself, I couldn't sleep for the longest time. I felt I had just flushed away $200 down the drain, wasted my time and energy in putting crap like that out there to be judged on.
Every time I would try to edit a sentence to showcase my experience in better light, it would feel like a cliche. Talking about my successes and failure has become a mechanical process and the passion has melted away faster than butter on a hot pan. It is as if I am emotionally bankrupt. I don't know how admission committee members can run through 5,000 plus applications consisting of over 25,000 essays and weed the good from the chaff? No wonder people fall through the cracks and it takes a seriously powerful essay to shake them out of the stupor they fall into. Re-reading my essays for the nth time made my eyes glaze over. I no longer read the words, they are etched into my mind. Wake me in the middle of the night and I will spout the words given the theme.
Now I am truly saddened by the state of affairs of my Wharton and Kellogg applications. I had so much invested in them, so much riding on them, that suddenly the rejections have thrown me into a tail spin. I probably just need some time away from the game, to re-charge my batteries and get passionate about my stories again. There is NO way I could write another application and do it justice, so in that I am glad I am done. Just sad that I could not walk away content and satisfied from a long but for most parts fun experience.
Come on Wharton do your thing, make me happy!
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home