Tomorrow

It's the day after the decision. Woke up this morning feeling sad, a little for myself but a lot more for others. Shook my head in disbelief at the strength of the pool that rejects candidates of such high caliber with so much passion for the school. This feeling lasted till I realized that it wasn't that the caliber of the candidates that was judged but the fit in terms of class composition. My reject letter from Kellogg mentioned that it wasn't that I wasn't qualified enough, it was just that limitations as to how many people they could admit and I lost out. While that was a form letter and probably a cliche that the school doesn't mean. (If we put something like it in our essays, we would get dinged without a question) But I assume that at some point of time in the past, it held good. It makes it easier to accept decisions handed out.

With that out of the way, today marked a beautiful sunny day with Blue skies and a few strands of wispy White clouds. It was so beautiful in the morning that it actually made me want to turn the car around, drive off to Yosemite and go camping. Luckily there was no gas in the tank, and had to pull over in the gas station. While paying for the gas, I realized the exact reason I needed to go to work, I need the money! But I hope the time will come (and I am not too old to enjoy it), when I can just stop what I am doing and do whatever it is that I want too.

Coming back to the wait list, my feelings are yet nebulous, I am ambivalent about whether I should be happy about it or sad. But one way or the other since I cannot do anything about it, I think the best thing for me to do is to move on. Forget about Wharton, forget about this one chance that could get me the much awaited fat envelope, and get on with my life. Obviously school wants to compare my candidacy with others available to them in the next round and then decide if I make the bar or not. But the questions that linger in my mind are:

1. Is it that there are two groups of people at Business school? Those that are top notch and truly meet the bar and others who are there to make numbers?
2. If I do make it through the wait list how will that play out when it comes to internship and job opportunities? In the intensely competitive job market can I beat out the "top notch" folks?
3. Personally would I like to go to a place that doesn't think I am qualified enough to admit on first evaluation? Something akin to marrying someone you love, but who doesn't love you as much back?
4. How does point 1. matter when it comes down to class work and learning teams?
5. Does it even matter how you made it through the selection process once you are in?

Offcourse one way out is to withdraw my name from the running, free up space for someone who doesn't really care about these issues and move on to a school that wants me. But that raises up a whole lot of other questions.

*Sigh* I think I am thinking too much. And mentioned above, I need to forget about this process, consider a WL pretty much like I would a ding and move on. I don't see the point in being optimistic and setting myself up for the fall. As and when the decision comes, if it is positive, I can reevaluate my options. It is always easier, in my opinion, to take unexpected news that is good than bad. It is easy to go out and party away to glory, paint the town red if things go my way. And easy to say, "I knew it" if the decision goes against me if I treat it so from the start.

Ai ai ai! This post has gone on long enough without even scratching the surface of the WL Math. Did I mention I plan to take Calculus this spring? I have an extremely strong background in Math, but want to brush up my knowledge before jumping in with the finance sharks! :)